my best friend just realized 30 minutes before her curfew that she’s an hour away from home in the most dangerous part of the city alone with the buses no longer running so she calls the police to take her home i cant stop laughing
update the cop that came to pick her up is a hot 20 year old guy thats flirting with her and now im not laughing anymore
SHE FUCKING HOOKED UP WITH THE COP
fuck the police
today at work i asked a customer if he wanted french vanilla creamer with his coffee and he said no because he wanted the “heterosexual” creamer instead and it just blows my mind that straight people say shit about how queer people “force our sexuality on them” because i have never met a single queer person who has done something like assign a sexuality to coffee creamer
what does heterosexual creamer even mean
no homogenized milk
Can we just talk about the movie Shrek for a second here?
Here we see the three bears in a cage, the baby bear is crying that it’s too small.
Now, back at Shreks swamp we see the baby bear still crying to his father, yet he’s not in a cage, Where’s his mother?
Later on, it shows Lord Farquaads castle and it shows the Mother bear skinned and turned into a rug.
Lord Farquaad SKINNED AND TURNED THE MOTHER BEAR INTO A RUG.
THAT’S WHY THE BABY BEAR IS STILL CRYING.
back when i was in community college my teacher told us the story of a girl in his class who wanted to have sex with her boyfriend but they didnt have any lube so they used mayonnaise. fast forward a couple of days and she’s getting random orgasms during class and driving places so she goes to the doctor and they check her out and guess what they found
okay ill tell you it was maggots. maggots were in her vagina giving her orgasms.